Think about how often you ask a question. Then think about the question you asked and ask yourself if you already know the answer. This is what I call passive aggressive behavior. Rather than make a statement as you perceive the situation, you ask a question to fan the flames, bust chops, and piss
someone off. AND, in most cases, you are totally unaware that you are doing this by asking A question.

This type of communication does not work… Especially so in a relationship…

Let me give you an example: You do not feel like cooking. You say to your partner “I don’t feel like cooking, let’s go out to eat.” And now for THE BIG QUESTION “Where do you want to eat?” And the drama begins…

”I don’t know, where do you want to eat?”

Your response, “I don’t care, where do you want to eat?”

“I don’t care, where do you want to eat?”

Your response, “Well, what kind of food do you want to eat?”

“It doesn’t matter to me what we eat, can you pick the place?”

Your response, “Well, we ate Mexican last time, how about Italian?”

“Sounds good to me, which Italian restaurant?”

Your response, “how about Domenico’s or Fanelli’s?”

“Well, did you really like the food the last time we ate at those places?”

Your response, “No, the service was bad, do you really want to go there?”

“Then why would you mention their names and suggest we go there? I am tired now and after all this, I don’t want to go anywhere. I’ll have a beer and go to bed.”

Your response, “You asked…”

Now this is true…your partner did ask for the names of restaurants; HOWEVER, this conversation started with your initial question of “Where do you want to eat?”

I don’t know about you but I HAVE A STOMACH ACHE just writing this drama/scenario down. See what an innocent question turns into…a major drama/upset.

A simple solution to remember…NO QUESTIONS!!!…PAAAAAALEASE. MAKE A STATEMENT. Here it is:

“I do not want to cook tonight. I want to treat you to pizza at PrIzio’s.  I want to freshen up and if it works for you, let us leave in 15 minutes. I’ll drive.” (Now if “I’ll drive” pushes buttons, leave that out.)

Your assignment (should you accept it) is: “Think before you speak.” NEVER ask a question. Make a statement.

Here are some examples of making statements:

“I heard you were not feeling well. Please tell me how you are doing.”

“I am happy you are home. Please tell me how your day was.”

“I heard about the situation. Please tell me more about it.”

“Please take out the garbage for me. Thanks!”

“I would appreciate it if you would clean up your room… Please let me know if you will do that now.” And if not now, please tell me when you will do it.”

Now take the time to THINK before YOU SPEAK. It will take retraining. The results will set you free!