Communicate with Anyone

Margaret Pappas, Personal Life Coach & Energy Healer

The Dialogue Tool: 3 Easy Steps

When you follow the 3 Easy Steps using the Dialogue Tool, you will achieve real and safe connections in all your relationships.

All relationships require good communication. Good communication skills do not always solve problems or right issues, but without them, seldom are problems or issues resolved. Using a simplified version of Harville Hendrix’s ‘Dialogue’ solves the ‘I do not know what to say or how to say it’ challenge.

The Dialogue is a 3-step, practical communication tool teaching us how to listen and respond without judgement, whether or not we are in agreement with what is said. Take this workshop if you:

Have a difficult time communicating, listening or feeling heard.

Feel frustrated with yourself when reacting rather than responding.

Want to build or rebuild your relationships.

Achieve real and safe connections in your relationships by following the 3 Easy Steps in dialoguing. It is helpful to register with someone with whom you can practice during and after the workshop.

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What People Have Experienced

When I first went to Margaret, I was not living the life I wanted. I was a people pleaser and very passive-aggressive. I felt exhausted. My relationship with my husband of 20 years was not good. I was at my wit’s end. We bickered a lot and he had no respect for me. I was ‘walking on eggshells’ all the time. He would yell at me even in front of my family. It was a constant battle.

The thought that I can’t change another person and that I needed to change my perspective is not new. However, I had no idea on how to go about it. Margaret gave me some tools to use: Meditation, “no questions”, and the Dialogue have been the most powerful for me in all my relationships.

When she taught me the Dialogue, I was not sure it would work as well as it has. At first, I would just stop and mirror my husband…in my mind. The act of me not responding to his attack, but remaining calm without anger or resentment and he would stop. I was amazed. Then I started mirroring him verbally when he would start firing criticism. Again, I was calm and without anger or resentment. He would stop when he heard the words coming back at him. I was amazed that neither one of us walked away angry.

My whole change in attitude has caused him to be kinder and gentler with me. He now gives me compliments rather than criticism. Our last couple of outings have been so enjoyable, for both of us. There is a lot less turmoil in our household. The Dialogue is an ongoing process for me, but definitely has proven its’ worth. I use it with my Dad, who although loving is very controlling and with my sister who at times can give me ‘cheap shots.’ I feel for the first time I am being my true Self. I am no longer ‘walking on eggshells’ and am living a more relax and peaceful life.

Thank you Margaret from the bottom of my heart.

Mary

March 2013

My son was VERY resistant to the dialogue. I had to ask him to turn off the TV and to actually look at me. We dialogued about the dialogue and its purpose, why I need to do it, why it is annoying to him. He never really got into it and would not respond in an open way. After several minutes, he figured out that I wasn’t going to let it go, so he obliged, but I could sense he was irritated.

When I thought he had had enough, I just let him talk without me mirroring. He stated he has not come to terms with the separation and that he does not want to talk about it to me, his father, the counselor, or anyone. It breaks my heart to see him hurting so but I assured him that his home was a safe haven for him and his feelings, whatever they are. I assured him that together, as a family, we will weather the storm.

Yes, it will be sad and painful at times, but we need to embrace those feelings as well. I did dialogue about my crying over the weekend and I think I saw a glimmer of understanding and softening in his face. I told him that I appreciated him being there for me and appreciated what a wonderful person he is.

I also informed him that my assignment was to dialogue with him and his brother every day. He groaned, then laughed and said, “I have to talk to you EVERYDAY!” What a great kid. I was uncomfortable at first because he was so uncomfortable. But I stuck to it and made us both do the exercise.

Linda

March 2004

When I came home from work, my mother immediately started in on me. I remembered what you taught me and mirrored her back. She stopped talking ‘at’ me and walked away. An hour later she came in LIKE A DIFFERENT person and began speaking to me as she had NEVER done before…with love and respect. OMG, it worked!! I’m still in shock.

Sal

April 2011

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Yesterday was awesome. Got to use the dialogue with 2 of my students who were about to come to blows. In class no less.

G was staring at K while he was trying to finish a timed facts test and K just about lost it. Well, without going into a blow-by-blow (pun intended) the Dialogue completely defused both boys and the whole class was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was then the perfect opportunity to put the Dialogue script up on the Smartboard for all to see and discuss the positive outcomes from my using it.

The kids noticed how quiet my voice was and how K and G got quieter too. Both boys eventually apologized and I asked the class if they had ever had to apologize while they were still mad. Most of the hands went up. Then I asked K and G if they were still mad and they said no. I asked if they meant their apologizes and they said yea. (Yea I know, no questions.) One major life, skill change at a time please 🙂 But I am aware I need to change that.

The class loved it. Especially K and G who are friends and didn’t want to have a fight. I was so calm I wasn’t sure who it was doing the talking. As G was denying doing anything, instead of going into 20 questions I kept repeating and eventually he admitted he was staring. By then both boys had calmed down would listen as I responded.

K looked shocked when I told him he made sense to me. Although I had planned to teach Nathan I just couldn’t find the time. The first few weeks are so all over the place, as the students learn procedures, how to work, and I learn them and how long it really takes to get something finished. We will be practicing it next week.

I shared the dialogue with another teacher and she asked where I got it. I told her I was seeing a life coach and she shared with me she thought I was very different this year. She said she had observed me with my students and seemed so much softer. She didn’t know me years ago.